he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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