you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize