New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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