you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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