I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize