Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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