I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize