Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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