i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
soo... how was my night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize