party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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