My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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