my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize