If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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