Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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