So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize