if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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