WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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