Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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