her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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