I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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