i jhust puked up my retainher.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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