it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute