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I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My hand turned me down
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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