Texts From Last Night

Texts from December, 2012

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.

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  (814): I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win. http://tfl.nu/livq
  Replies (8) Good night (730) Bad night (298)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."

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  (515): My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches." http://tfl.nu/3hga
  Replies (7) Good night (1735) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear

  (310): View more from California

  We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.

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  (310): The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear (310): We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics. http://tfl.nu/35z2
  Replies (6) Good night (1044) Bad night (379)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.

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  (816): We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri. http://tfl.nu/7urx
  Replies (5) Good night (784) Bad night (235)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.

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  (563): Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up. http://tfl.nu/xba5
  Replies (0) Good night (279) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  I think I might cry.

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  (417): I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully. (1-417): I think I might cry. http://tfl.nu/g5az
  Replies (10) Good night (303) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.

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  (775): Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture. http://tfl.nu/1sw6
  Replies (0) Good night (455) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls

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  (646): Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls http://tfl.nu/z0xl
  Replies (10) Good night (747) Bad night (264) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?

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  (313): My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up? http://tfl.nu/qcgq
  Replies (1) Good night (706) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.

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  (405): Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out. http://tfl.nu/dhlk
  Replies (9) Good night (1539) Bad night (273) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.

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  (910): I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy. http://tfl.nu/uqk4
  Replies (2) Good night (828) Bad night (208) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.

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  (505): The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it. http://tfl.nu/p90f
  Replies (3) Good night (947) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?

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  (503): Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I? http://tfl.nu/fev7
  Replies (5) Good night (308) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.

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  (610): I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home. http://tfl.nu/onnq
  Replies (1) Good night (697) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me

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  (443): She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me http://tfl.nu/42gf
  Replies (3) Good night (1036) Bad night (458)