i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
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Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
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Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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