had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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