I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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