Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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