This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
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We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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