i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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