Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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