Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
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pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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