Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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