so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
me + whiskey = a bad person
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How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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