Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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