maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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