I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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