Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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