proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize