I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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