I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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