fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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