At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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