Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize