she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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