Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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