Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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