I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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