A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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