Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
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