the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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